Taoism: Shit happens<\/p>\n
Confucionism: Confucius says: “Shit happens”<\/p>\n
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn’t really shit<\/p>\n
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?<\/p>\n
Hinduism: This shit has happened before<\/p>\n
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah<\/p>\n
Protestantism: Let the shit happen to someone else<\/p>\n
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it<\/p>\n
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?<\/p>\n
Sufism: The wise man notices shit happening<\/p>\n
Christian Science: If shit happens, pray for it to get better<\/p>\n
Solipsism: Shit happens because I wish it<\/p>\n
Mysticism: Just experience shit happening<\/p>\n
Asceticism: If shit happens, renounce it<\/p>\n
Agnosticism: We don’t know why shit happens<\/p>\n
Gnosticism: I know why shit happens<\/p>\n
Atheism: Shit just happens and that’s all there is to it<\/p>\n
Cartesianism: Shit happens to me, therefore I exist<\/p>\n
Platonism: There is ideal shit happening somewhere<\/p>\n
Stoicism: I don’t care if shit happens<\/p>\n
Epicureanism: Let’s party while shit doesn’t happen<\/p>\n
Cynicism: Of course shit happens<\/p>\n
Occultism: Shit materializes from other planes of existence<\/p>\n
Terrorism: Shit will happen unless you do as I say<\/p>\n
Pollyanism: It’s so nice that shit happens!<\/p>\n
Puritanism: Shit can happen all day as long as you don’t call it that<\/p>\n
Behaviourism: You are conditioned to having shit happen<\/p>\n
Freudianism: If shit happens, it’s your mother’s fault<\/p>\n
Parapsychology: Shit happens without material causes<\/p>\n
Surrealism: Purple shit happens near melting clocks<\/p>\n
Cubism: If shit happens, you won’t recognize it<\/p>\n
Cultural Relativism: Shit happens everywhere differently<\/p>\n
Optimism: If shit happens, we’ll find a way to use it<\/p>\n
Pessimism: If shit happens, there won’t be enough for everybody<\/p>\n
Tabloid Sensationalism: Green shit from Mars happens to Elvis clone<\/p>\n
Biblical Creationism: Shit happens because God created it<\/p>\n
Secular Humanism: Shit happens because it evolved from primitive shit<\/p>\n
Scientific Reductionism: If shit happens, find out what kind exactly<\/p>\n
Scientific Obscurantism: Amorphous excrement does occur in given cases<\/p>\n
Bureaucracy: I don’t care if shit happens as long as you fill out the forms<\/p>\n
Feminism: Women demand to have shit happen<\/p>\n
Ecology: If organic shit happens, it’s OK<\/p>\n
Capitalism: Let’s profit from shit happening<\/p>\n
Socialism: If shit happens, let’s distribute it equally<\/p>\n
Patriotism: Our shit is better than your shit<\/p>\n
Conservatism: They don’t make shit happen like they used to<\/p>\n
Liberalism: Shit shouldn’t happen tomorrow<\/p>\n
Classical Physics: Shit does not ‘happen’, it just moves around<\/p>\n
Quantum Physics #1: Shit happens but you can’t say both where and when<\/p>\n
Quantum Physics#2: Shit happens in discrete quanta called shitons<\/p>\n
Holistic Physics: If shit happens, it happens everywhere at once<\/p>\n
Microcomputing: If shit happens, we’ll fix it in the next version<\/p>\n
Computer Science: All shit can in principle happen on a Turing Machine<\/p>\n
Applied Mathematics: The probability of shit happening approaches unity<\/p>\n
Engineering: When shit happens, paint over<\/p>\n
Medicine: If shit happens, take two Aspirins and call me in the morning<\/p>\n
Economics: Shit happens because there’s a great demand for it<\/p>\n
Politics: If shit happens, make a deal with it<\/p>\n
Diplomacy: Let’s pretend shit doesn’t happen<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Taoism: Shit happens Confucionism: Confucius says: “Shit happens” Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn’t really shit Zen: What is the sound of shit happening? Hinduism: This shit has happened before Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah … Continue reading